Recently I was in a show with sideshow performer who did glass eating, and that inspired me to write a routine for glass (lightbulb) eating. I should say that I’ve seen this act many times, so I may have accidentally written a line that’s existed before and a couple of the lines are pretty obvious, so might be used by other performers. With that in mind, as far as I know this is an original script for someone eating a light bulb.
To set the scene, let’s the the performer just did a dangerous stunt before this.
That was intense! Let’s do something lighter.
Bring out lightbulb
I’m going to eat this lightbulb and poop out a chandelier! This is a 40 watt bulb, I used to do 100 watt, but I’m on a diet!
Take out spray bottle of glass cleaner and give it a spray and wipe it off with a paper towel.
If anyone wants some after the show, I brought a doggie bag.
Take out paper bag and put the lightbulb into it.
Ladies and gentlepeople, it’s hammer time!
Take out hammer, and break the bulb through the bag.
Mozel Tov!
I remember the first time I did this, I was a kid in my friends basement, listening to ACDC.
What were you expecting me to say…the Electric Light Orchestra?
Take out piece of glass and show it to the audience. Put it into your mouth and dramatically eat it.
Squirt the glass cleaner into your mouth, pause and look at the bottle. Open the bottle of glass cleaner and chug it!
Show your mouth to show it empty!
**DO NOT DRINK REAL GLASS CLEANER** use a safe blue liquid in the spray bottle.
***DO NOT DO THIS ROUTINE, IT’S DANGEROUS*** This was written as a writing exercise for me.
So that’s the routine, it should have a few laughs. It was fun to write and something I’ll never do. I don’t know why, but things like these that aren’t my show are way easier to write for than my actual show.
-Louie